I Bought Things I Didn't Need to Feel Something

It always happened late at night. After midnight, usually. When the house was quiet, my brain was tired, and my willpower was at zero.

I'd open a shopping app – any shopping app – and just browse. Trainers I didn't need. Gadgets I'd use once. Clothes that looked amazing on the model and mediocre on me. The browsing itself felt like entertainment. And clicking "Add to Cart" felt like a tiny thrill.

But the real high came two days later, when the package arrived.

That moment of opening a box – even if I'd already forgotten what I'd ordered – gave me a dopamine rush that nothing else in my day could match. Not a conversation with a friend. Not a good meal. Not a walk in the park. Just… a cardboard box with something shiny inside.

The cycle went like this: feel bored or stressed → browse online → buy something → feel a brief hit of excitement → feel guilty → feel bored or stressed again → repeat.

I didn't think it was a real problem until my bank statement arrived. In three months, I'd spent almost €800 on things I didn't need. Eighty per cent of it was still in the packaging, unopened, shoved under my bed. I wasn't buying things because I wanted them. I was buying the feeling of buying them.

Online shopping is designed to be frictionless. One click. No cash leaving your hand. No queue. No human interaction. Just a button and a promise that something nice will arrive at your door. It's the same reward mechanism as a slot machine – variable, unpredictable and incredibly addictive.

I started making changes when I told a friend about the €800 and she didn't laugh. She said: "That sounds like how I used to scroll – to fill a gap."

She was right. I wasn't shopping because I needed things. I was shopping because I needed to feel something. And once I understood that, I could start finding the feeling somewhere else.

Here's what worked for me:

• I deleted all shopping apps from my phone. If I want to buy something, I have to use a laptop – which adds friction.

• I introduced a 48-hour rule: if I want something, I add it to a list. If I still want it after 48 hours, I can consider buying it.

• I started doing something physical when I felt the urge to browse – a short walk, a few push-ups, even just making tea.

• I told my friend she could ask me about my spending anytime. Having someone who knows keeps me honest.

Last month I checked: I'd spent €40 online. All of it on things I actually use. The boxes under my bed are gone. And when I feel bored at midnight, I read a book or call someone instead of opening an app.

I didn't have a shopping problem. I had a feelings problem. The shopping was just how I avoided dealing with it.